Dammit to hell! (or, if Bill is reading, dangit to heck!) I'm in the middle of a minor panic attack in our bullpen office area. I'm trying not to show it, but the easiest way to make it go away is to go through several minutes of deep, heavy breathing until the anxiety subsides. I don't know what triggered this, but it sucks not to be able to go into my office and close the door, which is what I did back in New Orleans whenever this happened.
Anyway, just for fun, let's see some offbeat suggestions for addressing this situation.
Friday, September 30, 2005
High anxiety
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5 comments:
(Warning - you said offbeat ;))
Well, you could jump on your desk and start singing "The Hills are Alliiiiive with the Sound of Music" at the top of your lungs. You will no longer feel anxious by whatever triggered the initial attack and you could then focus all of your energies on dealing with the new panic attack.
No?
Okay, get thee hence to a natural foods store and purchase some Bach's Rescue Remedy. My alt. health minded friends swear by the stuff. I think your plan of deep breathing and meditation is probably has a higher efficacy rate.
That's just the kind of suggestion I had in mind. Interestingly, we DO have a lawyer in the room who breaks into song a few times a day. The other day she was singing something about having "Lance in my pants." Said it was an old advertising jingle having nothing to do with Mr. Armstrong.
Sing the old time classic from the Wizard of Oz, only this time substitute 'bitch' for 'witch' and point a dildo here and there like you are giving a lecture. Scream every now and then to punctuate your enthusiasm.
"The house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch
It landed on the wicked bitch in the middle of a ditch
Which was not a healthy situation for the wicked bitch
Who began to twitch, and was reduced to just a stitch
Of what was once the wicked bitch
(scream here)
We thank you very sweetly for doing it so neatly
(and scream here)
You've killed her so completely
That we thank you very sweetly
(one last hearty yelp will do)
Let the joyous news be spread
The wicked, old bitch at last is dead"
If this turns out to be an immensely impractical offbeat solution then imagine having sex to your hearts content – head to the men’s room now!
(my apologies for my wickedness to any and all mature people in the house)
Grant habeas relief?
Men's room -- I was gonna say men's room.
When I used to have a JOB (shit -- why did I quit??) I would write facetious memos to people with a sense of humor. it was a stress-reliever, and had the added bonus of an occasional rebuttal-memo.
I'm late. I know.
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