Rule 62

Randy asked if folks would like to contribute to his blog and I accepted the invitation. The writing assignment is to describe affirmatively what I believe in. I have found this difficult without wanting to saying something about what I don’t believe in, I will resist the temptation.

I am going to list what I believe in based upon what I actually do. I might try to create the list order of importance but that isn’t a primary goal, here goes.

•FAMILY: My immediate family is my primary concern. I value my wife and two children above all else. I believe in nurturing each member and working toward their wellbeing. Because I value them, I conclude that I will be happier if they are taken care of.

•SACRIFICE: My immediate family is the primary beneficiary of most of the sacrifices I make. Example: I am willing do as my wife has asked and that is not move the family from Calgary until our children have finished school (K-12). There is an exception to this request by my wife and that is if I was to get a job that paid over 6 figures (which is possible if I were to land a job in the oil patch/northern Alberta). I am also willing to do the things that I think loving nurturing parents do (particularly when it doesn’t suit them to do it).

•PEOPLE: Others make life worthwhile, I need others. Healing most often occurs being with another. Many people are almost as important to me as are my immediate family members.

•FIDELITY: I am committed to monogamy, emotional and physical.

•HONESTY: I strive to be honest with myself, people, employers, and external organizational entities. I sometimes fail and always try to inventory my failure.

•EMPATHY: I almost don’t have any choice in this value/belief. I am compelled to be empathic and wonder about my need in this regard.

•SERVICE: I think one of the best ways for me to ease my psychic pain is to do something for somebody else (outside of my family). I do this and for me it works.

•FORGIVENESS: Practically speaking, forgiving people is critical to my happiness.

•PLAY: Screwing around with family and friends is almost as therapeutic as service.

•DIVERSION: Refocusing my attention is often an effective tool in maintaining or getting back peace. Favorite diversionary tactic – loud music and dancing.

•MINDFULNESS: Paying attention to my mind is critical to all the foregoing values/beliefs.

•MEDITATION: I generally only use it in times of emergencies and it is effective.

•ESCAPE: Watching TV, reading and Internet communications.

I wrote this list fast, I didn’t want to think about it to much. I wanted something that was hopefully free from verbose junk. This idea is important to me, *what I actually do is what I actually believe in.*

I do see our world as this incredible and amazing force of nature. Evolution blows my mind. The cosmos is so out there (pun intended) and I can’t grasp it, the indescribable magnitude kicks my ass.

Someday I want to add to my list RULE 62: I don’t take myself too seriously (I'm not there yet, but perhaps I could add this item along side my *honesty* bullet). I am reading a book by Jared Diamond called “Why Is Sex Fun? The Evolution of Human Sexuality” Once again I am reminded that nature is a force to be respected and guilt is an emotion that doesn’t always respect nature (I couldn’t go the whole way without throwing in a dig against something.)

Thanks Randy for letting me play.

Doug

Randy's kinda sorta manifesto

Hmmm. This was my idea, so I'll give it a go.

I believe in love, compassion, and empathy, especially with regard to my immediate family. I have learned much from our sometimes joyful, sometimes painful experiences of the past several years, but nothing more than that I deeply love my wife and children. I am fortunate, I suppose, that compassion and empathy seem to be part of my nature. Strangely, however, love was an emotion that pretty much had to be learned. I think I feared it, quite honestly.

I believe that we are all interconnected to some extent, a phenomenon that helps me to think in terms of compassion and empathy. I'm not sure exactly how this interconnectedness works--beyond my circle of family and friends, this connection may be more spiritual than material--but I sense that it is real.

I believe in spirituality, whether or not it is tied to any particular faith tradition. For me personally, spirituality is an experiential and experimental phenomenon; however, I respect those who find their way in more traditional structures. I believe that we are born with everything we need spiritually already implanted within us--whether by God or nature--and that the challenge is to discover that and develop it.

I believe that freedom of speech and expression of ideas is the most important principle in our political discourse. That is not to say that all ideas are valid or equal--I certainly believe in shouting down, disproving, and discrediting ideas I find offensive or wrong. I tend to have knee-jerk reactions to any restrictions on speech (other than reasonable restrictions on time, place, and manner), even outside of the political sphere. Having said all that, I'm perfectly willing to be bound by the restrictions on my own speech that go along with my job, but that is a matter of choice.

I believe in equality. This comes in part from my religious upbringing. I really believed that we are all equal in the eyes of God, and that He is no respecter of persons. Moreover, I've always been something of a "small-d democrat," at least on a philosophical level. I still get pissed whenever the highway is closed for a presidential visit--why can't he drive in the damn traffic like everybody else? In practice, of course, it seems that some people are more equal than others, as Orwell wrote, but it sure is nice to at least believe otherwise.

I believe in reason, scholarship, science, and the scientific method. This should go without saying, but with antiscientific, ahistorical worldviews seeing something of a resurgence, I thought I'd throw it in. I do not believe that science and scholarship are necessarily at odds with sprituality and religion, though they may occasionally suggest reinterpretation of cherished beliefs.

I probably believe some other stuff too, but these are some of my biggies.

I believe in Family

Some of us are fortunate to have families of origin that are loving and patient and accepting and strong. I have a family like that. When I was a psycho teen, my parents never gave up on me. When I was a single parent struggling to get by from paycheck to paycheck, they helped with money and food and care for the kids. They provided moral support as well as physical assistance - and both were sorely needed and appreciated.

I'm not as close to them as I would like to be, but I know that if I ever need anything, my brothers will give whatever I ask.

Not only was I born into a wonderful family, I have created a wonderful family. Well, it took a couple of tries, but it was sure worth persisting! My husband is a top notch human. He is a gentle, giving, kind person. I'm a better person because I'm married to him. My adult children are exemplary young people. I would be proud to point them out to anyone and claim them as kin. My youngest is a joy. If you're going to have a baby when you're almost 40, it's best to have a baby like mine. He's bright, funny, cheerful, engaging, and superbly well-behaved.

I have seen example after example of how good families work. I have also seen some counter-examples of how bad families don't work.

Good families forgive, over and over and over again.

Good families are there during the good times. They're also there during the hard times, doing what needs to be done.

Good families take each other in when a member needs a place to stay.

Good families hold each other up.