"Liberation from the self is living each day without a place to stand or ideas about who we are. That's when we can dance with life."
-- Dennis Genpo Merzel Roshi

I think I've experienced a few moments of liberation as defined by Genpo Roshi during zazen/meditation. You pretty much have to open your mind up to whatever comes up to meditate successfully, and take the good with the bad. One morning in August or September 2004, I struggled to get my mind to slow as I began to sit. Suddenly, I was in a dreamlike state, my mind flying through the clouds in a blue sky. My mind was invisible and alone, with no body or any other physical entity attached to it. There were no boundaries, and my mind embraced everything, and everything embraced it. I felt free of all of the psychic baggage I usually carry around, and free of all the concepts of self-identification I cling to. I've had several other similar experiences over the past few months, though without the clouds and sky.

I've had a few other interesting mental moments during meditation. I was introduced to Buddhist thought by the Dalai Lama's "An Open Heart." He suggests choosing some emotional state or area in which one can improve, then focusing on that during meditation. I started with a couple of positive ones--love and compassion. I felt some wonderful energy throughout my body; I also felt some intense sadness. This past Sunday night, I was moping about my boys. I sat on my zafu and relaxed my mind. Suddenly, an intense feeling of love swept through me. It wasn't coming from inside me; it was my boys' love for me. It's difficult to explain. They are unable to express that themselves due to their brain disorders, and the feeling I had was awesome.

I wouldn't say that I've achieved a state of enlightenment or satori or whatever, but I think I've had several transient glimpses into what that is like. It's nice to have a spiritual/philosophical practice that works for me. And that's how I view Zen--it's not a religion to me; rather, it's a system of practice and philosophy that allows me to see within my own head and work to improve myself.