This morning I went out and joined a gym by adding myself to DW's membership. She hasn't been there in several months, but she never got around to resigning. I did a decent beginning upper-body workout. However, despite jogging yesterday, I had a very hard time with cardiovascular activity. I ran for a few minutes on a treadmill, then rowed for a few more minutes. I am terribly out of shape, and it will be a very long time before I get back to where I was in the early 1990s.
This is part and parcel of my attempt to take positive steps to overcome the grieving and depression I've felt for the past few weeks. Yesterday, I cleaned Toby's room, but I couldn't go into Adam's room for more than about five minutes. Today I'm working on his room. The fact that I can go into their rooms is a good thing, I think. I'm keeping up with zazen and Zen reading, and I'm watching a course on CD from the Kanzeon Zen Center in SLC. Finally, my psychiatrist bumped up my antidepressants, which should help too.
Sunday, February 27, 2005
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4 comments:
These days, whenever I feel like exercising, I lay down until the feeling goes away.
That's kind of been my problem too. I suppose I have this fantasy of being rail-thin with six-pack abs, like I was during law school (even then, I still couldn't get motivated to chase girls, but oh well). However, that would entail losing about 60 pounds, something that is unlikely to happen.
Just like Buddhist teaching, you should go into the gym with no expectation, and when you are ready, your 60 pounds will disappear.
Thinking of you in your boy's room made me feel sad.
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