Saturday, February 26, 2005

Some of these will ring true to Ann and Craig:





You Know You're From New Orleans When...


Your sunglasses fog up when you step outside

You reinforce your attic to store Mardi Gras beads

You save newspapers, not for recycling but for tablecloths at crawfish boils

When you give directions you use "lakeside” and “riverside' not north & south

Your ancestors are buried above the ground.

You walk on the "banquet" (sidewalk) and stand in the "neutral ground" (area of ground between a two sided street) "by ya mommas" (by your mother's house).

You take a bite of five-alarm chili and reach for the Tabasco.

The four basic food groups are boiled seafood, broiled seafood, fried seafood and beer

You are asked to name the holy trinity and your reply is "onions, celery, bell pepper."

Every once in a while, you have waterfront property.

Your mama announces each morning, "Well, I've got the rice cooking ... what will we have for dinner?"

You get a disappointing look from your wife and describe it as, "She passed me a pair of eyes."

You give up Tabasco for Lent

You worry about a deceased family member returning in spring floods.

You push little old ladies out of the way to catch Mardi Gras throws.

You leave a parade with footprints on your hands.

You believe that purple, green, and gold look good together

You know what a nutria is but you still pick it to represent your baseball team.

No matter where else you go in the world, you are always disappointed in the food.

Your loved one dies and you book a jazz band before you call the coroner.

Your town is low on the education chart, high on the obesity chart and you don't care because you're No. 1 on the party chart.

Nothing shocks you. Period. Ever.

Your idea of health food is a baked potato instead of fries with your seafood platter.

You have to take your coffee and favorite coffeemaker with you on a three-day trip.

You call tomato sauce "red gravy."

Your middle name is your mother's maiden name, or your father's mother's maiden name, or your mother's mother's maiden name, or your grandmother's mother's maiden name, or your grandfather's mother's maiden name.

You've done your laundry in a bar.

You don't show your "pretties" during Mardi Gras.

You know that Tchoupitoulas is a street and not a disease.

You suck heads, eat tail, sing the blues and you actually know where you got them shoes.

You know why you should never, ever swim by the Lake Pontchartrain steps (for more than one reason).

You cringe every time you hear an actor with a Southern or Cajun accent in a "New Orleans-based" movie or TV show.

You have to reset your clocks after every thunderstorm.

You consider garbage cans a legal step to protecting your parking space on a public street.

You fall asleep to the soothing sounds of four box fans.

Your one-martini lunch becomes a five-bloody mary afternoon... and you keep your job.

You're walking in the French Quarter with a plastic cup of beer. When it starts to rain, you cover your beer instead of your head.

You eat dinner out and spend the entire meal talking about all the other good places you've eaten.





3 comments:

Ann said...

"Nothing shocks you. Period. Ever."

I agree with this. Also everything about food.

Ann said...

Today, I went to Fazzio's in Mandeville for lunch, and on the menu was Spaghetti with Red Gravy. At an Italian place. Until I read this list, I didn't really know what red gravy was, and until I went to Fazzio's today, I don't remember seeing the phrase "Red Gravy" in a context where I would think "tomato sauce."

I love it here.

Yes, explain the steps thing. It's probably something gross.

Randy said...

I suspect that the Pontchartrain Steps thing has to do with the fact that quite a few kids go there, with the consequent human-waste issues.

I don't think "red gravy" is a strictly N.O. thing. I seem to recall Tony and Carmela Soprano using the term "gravy" for pasta sauce.