Cleaning out my closet

My SCUBA unit is gathering dust in the closet. I can't bring myself to put it on e-bay, so I guess I'd better think about getting wet again. My kayak is also gathering dust, but it's out in the garage, where I don't see it. 

Adam's pool

Water, water, everywhere . . . . 

Chirp!

I was looking for a photo of a cricket [self-indulgent whining omitted] when I saw this cartoon from the SL Tribune. There really is a species known as the Mormon Cricket, and they have hit Utah particularly hard in recent years. Chirp! Chirp! 

Because I love you

Formerly a photograph of someone important, placed here just for fun.

Curious memory

Yesterday, on the way home from the gym, the live version of the Eagles' "Hotel California" was played on the radio. Suddenly, I was 14 years old, and it was March 17, 1977. I listened to "Hotel California" several times on the day that my father died. Curiously, I wasn't saddened by that memory yesterday. In fact, I'm feeling more vibrant and alive this weekend than I have in months. 

Lawyer-in-Waiting

Congrats to shadow reader and brother-in-law Bill, who has been accepted to law school at the University of Utah.

Law school at the U--
the salmon swim upstream if
the bears don't eat them.

Thanks, Ann, for the link to the poster. 

"The House of Flying Daggers"--a snark attack

This Chinese action/romance flick less resembled a cool Spring morning at the Shaolin Temple than it did a steam train jumping the track at full speed, then lurching this way and that in the ditch until it finally ran out of steam. The film was gorgeous all the way through, except for the sex scenes--more on those in a minute. Zhang Yimou has David Lean's eye for landscape, and, as in Lean's "Doctor Zhivago" and "Lawrence of Arabia," the landscapes are are living, breathing characters of the film. Zhang uses and coordinates natural colors with wardrobes and moods better than any filmmaker I've ever seen.

Alas, the writing and acting were pretty crummy, and the fight scenes were not up to the level of "Hero" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." It started off well enough, and the talented Zhang Ziyi did an amazing dance early-on. I thought, "wow! This is going to be great!" Anyhow, the main plotline involves a woman (Zhang Ziyi) who is pursued by two men who are both madly in love with her. However, the mens' rough attempts at seduction would be prosecuted as attempted rape in virtually every U.S. jurisdiction. Then came the moment we were all waiting for--she did the nasty with the hotter of the two guys. How romantic sex in the tall grass can be made to look clunky and unappealing, I don't know, but they managed to do it. You can go on the Internet and find it done far better. Or so I've been told. Immediately afterwards, our Romeo totally spoils the moment by asking our Juliet, "do you love him?" Now, experience and common sense doubtless have taught most of us that there are certain questions that are best not asked mere seconds after orgasm. Talk about spoiling the mood! Also, isn't that a ridiculous question to ask someone who has just done it with you? Or maybe he noticed the poor quality of the sex too.

DW and I couldn't stop laughing during the climactic fight scene of the film, where the luv triangle end up tossing knives at each other. The jilted guy lays in wait for the hot babe, and hits her with a flying dagger. Backing up a bit, the leader of the rebellious House of Flying Daggers had hit jilted guy in the back with a flying dagger when he tried to rape--er, seduce-hot babe. Turns out jilted guy was a member of the Flying Daggers group, and the leader told him that he would be more convincing on his next assignment (apparently to infiltrate the army or something) with the dagger still in his back. So during the entire climactic fight scene, the jilted guy had an effing dagger sticking out of his back, including when he fell squarely onto his back while fighting our Romeo! Yet he was no more worse for wear until the three of them managed to die (or so it appeared). Gosh, that scene was funny.

This film is pretty, but "Hero" and "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon" were much better all-around. And that's my snark attack of the day.

Haiku--it's contagious

In response to the haiku about law school, brother-in-law Bill responded with a ditty about yours truly:

I am the Zen Man-
Arrested Development
is in my blood too...

The coworker who does daily trivia e-mails started a series of haiku trivia this week, and I did today's trivia in his absence. A supervisor in my office responded:

Haiku in e-mail
Ancient verse in modern means
How will it all end?

Our Town

Northshore Paradise--
in the United States, and
sort of New Orleans.

Randy's Gym Membership

Physical fitness--
now that I'm middle-aged, I
see the eye-candy.

Do I hear a big "yeah, right" after the first line?

I live for the law,
but a rustic Tuscan farm
would be much nicer.

The House of Flying Daggers

Last night, I picked up a DVD of Zhang Yimou's "The House of Flying Daggers." I watched the first few minutes just to see how it looks, and it is gorgeous. I get the impression that it's more of an action film than "Hero," which one of our gentle readers likened to watching a painting. I'm really looking forward to watching this one. 

Y'all should be talkin' like me

Your Linguistic Profile:

50% General American English

25% Dixie

15% Yankee

10% Upper Midwestern

0% Midwestern

What Kind of American English Do You Speak?

Work Haiku

A few months ago, the Supreme Court decided a case that is causing us to go into overdrive around here. I was inspired this morning by an old Chinese poem about the futility of striving:

U.S. v. Booker--
ants crawl 'round inside a bowl;
never to escape.

A supervisor just set things straight:

U.S. v. Booker--
ants crawl 'round to get paychecks;
job security.

Meteorology, pretense, and reality on I-12

Clouds dance in the sky,
Buddha-nature smiles broadly--
Whose car did I hit?

Arrested Development

Last night was the season finale of "Arrested Development," and perhaps the series finale as well. IMHO, AD is one of the funniest shows ever on television. However, it didn't seem to take off with the viewers. Perhaps it takes a warped mind like mine to really get that show, but, damn, it's funny.
 

Sudden Departure

Sister Mary, the long-time administrator of my childrens' school, resigned abruptly last week due to an increasingly acrimonious relationship with some of the school's directors. As far as I know, it's just a matter of good people who just can't work together. She is being replaced by the sister who has been her assistant for the past 25 years, so everything that is good will continue. DW and I spoke with Sr. Mary yesterday, and we gave her a copy of this photo and a photo of Toby to take with her wherever. Sr. Mary is a wonderful person, and hopefully her order will place her in a similar position where she can share her considerable gift for working with mentally retarded and autistic children.
 

I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike.

Toby and I had some big fun today, that's fer shure. We started with some swinging at the train depot park, then went for French fries. Went home for an hour or so, then I pulled Toby's bike out of the garage.

He got on the bike, and we went to the neighborhood park. He decided he wanted to ride instead of swing, so we went down the path alongside a stormwater retention pond, then back around to the swimming pool across the street from the park. Toby wanted into that pool, and he didn't care what he had to do to get what he wanted. The pool doesn't open for another month. Anyway, he kept saying "door! key!" and placing my hand on the latch and padlock. Then he figured out how to climb over the gate, which meant I had to be extra vigilant to prevent that from happening. We went around and around with this for half an hour or so. No violence, just a battle of wills. Finally, I picked him up in one hand, grabbed the bike with the other, and walked down the path next to another retention pond.

Toby got back on his bike after he calmed down, then--wouldn't you know it--there was a family having a pool party in their back yard. Toby made for the yard, and the homeowner invited us in. People in my neighborhood can be very nice like that, which is one of the reasons I don't mind living 44 miles from work. I took Toby's shirt and shoes, and he and the birthday boy had fun splashing me and each other for about 45 minutes or so. I came back home with a drenched Toby on his bike and a beer in my hand.

Then we were off to a different park that has better swings. Toby and I were doing our loud, rowdy routine, in which I pretend to be a monster while I swing the hell out of him. A sweet-looking little boy got onto the swing next to us, with his mother pushing. She had a sour, I'd-rather-not-be-here expression on her face. I pointed at a third child and told Toby that Adam swings like that kid. The kid on the swing next to us started talking to me. I could see that he wanted my attention, so I talked to him a little while Toby was in between pushes. The kid told me that his name is Tyler, that Adam is his cousin, and that his cousins always beat him up. One time, his cousin Andrew beat up his cousin Adam, so Tyler hit him with his belt. Tyler's mom's expression hadn't changed a bit. Yikes. And I thought things got crazy in my household. Toby wanted to leave at that point, so we did PetSmart (dogs), Circuit City (a vestibule surrounded by automatic doors for Toby to play with), and Target (toys) on the way home. He picked up his shoes a few minutes ago, so I suppose we'll be off to somewhere else very soon.

Meta-Haiku

Pencil in my hand,
"Stench of Zen" in my nose--Oops!
I sneeze on the paper.