Fourth of July weekend at my house.

Toby sprays a fire ant mound I didn't know was there as Adam fishes Thomas cars from the bottom of the pool.

I experienced quite a few highs and lows in a short period this past weekend. I had big fun playing with my boys, working with Toby on hand-over-hand drawing and writing, and putting the kids to sleep at night. The look of pure, innocent bliss on their faces as they fall asleep is something to treasure. On the other hand, I had a bloody lip from being hit with a die-cast Thomas engine after I took a turn in the car that Toby didn't want to take. Also, I had a hilariously catastrophic trip to Target on Saturday night. The boys and I got to the cash register (Adam in the cart; Toby on foot) when I noticed that my debit card wasn't in my wallet and that I didn't have sufficient cash. Toby and Adam both attacked me as I dragged them from the store as I heard murmuring about us from the people behind us in line. I remembered that the store has an ATM, so I dragged my tantruming boys back inside, but the ATM didn't work! By this point, Toby was tantruming so wildly that Adam was laughing at him, and I was laughing at the ridiculousness of the situation.

The low point for me came yesterday, when I had to hand Adam to his trainer at St. Mary's. I felt as low as I've felt about anything in my entire life, and I still feel about one inch tall. My logical side realizes that my family needs this arrangement right now, but my less rational side still asks, "what kind of shitty parent lets his kids be raised by other people?" I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy, even if I had a worst enemy.