I've thought it all through and, as painful as it is, I'm leaning towards sending Adam to St. Mary's school for a while. He would benefit greatly from the structured program there and from association with other children, especially his older brother, whom he adores. He has progressed in many ways in the past year or so, particularly in play skills and his sense of self. Still, he needs to learn to control his violent and self-injurious impulses, and he has a long way to go to be able to really interact with other kids and to function "normally" out in society (not that I always manage that myself, mind you). Also, we've mostly been impressed with Toby's stay there thus far.

The things I feel the worst about are: 1) how Adam will feel about going there -- will he feel abandoned? Will he hate us? and 2) to what extent is this a selfish thing on my part? It hasn't escaped my attention that I will have more time to myself should Adam go off to boarding school. The fact that I noted that made me feel an extra dose of guilt. However, I felt comfortable with the decision after sitting zazen yesterday morning. It really cleared my head and let me think things through as objectively as possible.

Thanks to everybody for your kind words and support.