Saturday, October 30, 2004

For several reasons, the past few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster ride for me, and I feel myself wanting to have a mini-breakdown to get it all over with. It's like having nausea and wanting to make yourself throw up so you can get on with life. As some of you know, I've been active on the Internet boards that I've sworn off again and again. I suppose that the boards have proven to be a valuable stress-reliever. Why are those things so addictive? I've also made contact with some old friends to whom I haven't spoken in years. That has also proven fruitful.

Kid update: A. has decided that DW is his favorite parent, and he wants almost nothing to do with me. That wouldn't be so bad, but he is overtly hostile about it. T. is doing well at St. Mary's -- it looks like the infection outbreak that caused all the boils has died down up there -- but yesterday the trainer told me that T. looked homesick while he listened to me talk on the telephone. I do miss T.'s happiness and his bounciness, and I really haven't gotten over the guilt of placing him in an institutional setting.


Miranda said...

Yay! Kid updates! Can you tell I am a big ol' kid lover?

My youngest tends to gravitate very, very strongly toward me and I don't know what I would do were his affections to change suddenly one day.

My baby also has been asking me to quit going to school and stay home with him. So I took Friday off and kept him home from daycare. I lanned to take him to DD's Halloween party. Honestly? He did better with his normal schedule. He was an absolute hellion all day long and nothing would placate him. I left DD's school early, I had to leave our friends' house early and drive for awhile. We went back for dinner and left shortly after that.

As much as I wanted to be the "perfect" mom for him yesterday, he would have been happier with his friends and his normal schedule. T. needs to know how much you love him and needs to know you are there for him, but St. Mary's gives him the other structure he needs as well. Are you going to see him this weekend?

Randy said...

DW may drive up and bring T. back here next weekend for a few days.

I'll admit it's a little hard not being the favorite parent. I've always been the fun one, while DW has always been the businesslike one.

Ann said...

That is so the opposite of me, R. I'm absolutely thrilled that little boy likes daddy better than me, because I'm tired. His energy level is relentless. You're only a little bit younger than me...I don't know how you do it.

I'm very good with tasks/activities that have a beginning, a middle, and an end. Things like board games, and crafts. DH is stuck doing the free form stuff, like playing school and house and blocks. God bless 'im.

Ann said...

Oh, and one more thing: I know what you mean about wanting to just get the breakdown over with. You probably don't have much vacation time, but if you do, maybe take a day, stay home alone (if you can) or check into a hotel room and drink yourself into a stupor. Think of it as a reboot.

Oh, and never follow my advice.

Just Me said...

Ann---you crack me up! I agree....drinking one's seld into a stupor just might do the trick. I force myself into mini breakdowns. At least once every six months or so. If you don't your body reacts and you can get white hair and arthritis everywhere and all kinds of other stuff.