Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Bobby J.'s Modest Proposal

Louisiana Governor Bobby Jindal was sworn into office at noon yesterday. Shortly after 4 p.m., DW and I drove through Baton Rouge. The traffic volume was startling light; this in a city that usually is in gridlock by that time of day. I, of course, suspected that something was very, very wrong. I contacted my always reliable sources, who confirmed my worst suspicions.

The facts are these. Gov. Jindal ran for office on a platform of improving our state's abysmal image by radically changing the way things are done--ditching the Louisiana Way and doing business the way business is done in every other state, except for those states that similar histories of endemic, systemic corruption. Bobby J. came off as a policy wonk during the campaign, but my sources tell me that he began his term in office yesterday with a most dramatic gesture, one that greatly affected the traffic flow by the time I drove through town.

During his inaugural address, Gov. J. announced that the entire population of Baton Rouge--with the exception of LSU's athletic department--had been loaded aboard barges destined for Cuba. Evidently, the new Gov. decided that the best way to fix Louisiana is to get rid of everybody who lives here, save for a select few who will help build a brave new world of shiny happy people.

Gov. Bobby managed to negotiate a deal under thich the State of Louisiana will supply Cuba with a large labor pool in return for the exclusive U.S. rights to market Cuban tobacco products. The U.S. Government will end the embargo on trade with Cuba as part of the deal. Gov. J. also is negotiating exciting people-for-product deals with various other countries. According to my source, Bobby said, "I look forward to the day when all of Britney Spears's relatives can be airlifted to North Korea." That source took a look at the relocation database, and it looks as if I may be blogging from Siberia in the near future.

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